This is the modern PC port of Super Noah's Ark 3D. I gather the game is better known from the 16bit SNES version. It's a Christian Themed FPS title running on the Wolf3D engine. And... There's really not a lot here.

The game installed and ran without any issues, and the quirks are those of the Wolf3D engine itself. Such as a fixed view to the plane (no looking up and down) and strafing/moving in two directions gives you increased acceleration. This lends itself to the speedrun achievements for the game and allows Noah to zoom through the levels at speeds unheard of for any mere normal Human.

So that were clear, I am an Atheist. And the whole Christian theme did not concern me. I used scare quotes above as aside from it being Noah on his Ark, and some little trivia games, there's not really any religion to this one.

The trivia games are small scrolls you can run across, they give you a multiple choice question based on the story of Noah or related concepts. Such as "How many feet are in a Cubit?". But as a metric user, this did cause my eye to twitch. Hurry up and convert already!

Aside from the question scrolls, all the animals have broken loose from their cages. Apparently all the animals on the Ark mostly consisted of Goats, Llamas, and other ungulates.

You shoot them with bunches of food until they fall asleep. With little "Z" symbols so you know you just caused them dieting issues rather than killing them outright.

Some critters take more hits than others, but you quickly find various weapons that shoot faster to compensate. Effectively a food dispersal minigun.

I couldn't find any treasure aside from Fruit. But eventually came across other weapons, such as launching a watermelon that hits walls and critters with a satisfying splatter. Just a reminder that watermelons are fucking heavy, and would likely kill you if some guy called Noah decided to launch them at your head.

The game is reviewed as challenging. I'm guessing by a lack of cross-hairs, and that some enemies appear to cry as a way of damaging you. You can't see their tear bullets, and they sometimes move quickly around corners and start hitting you. These things hit harder than any Nazi too on the higher levels, but once you learn how the game plays it is rather easy to zipp around the map and take everything out fast.

There is a automap, but you'll be unlikely to need it. Levels are rather boringly laid out, and keys can almost always be found right next to the room they are used in. There are secret rooms to discover, but the entrance doors are also made TOTALLY OBVIOUS that you need to run into them and activate.

Boss battles are just a unique enemy that takes more food to cause it to fall asleep and don't have any real challenge to them.

I don't really have much else to say, so here's a screenshot where Noah shows he is vain and narcissistic. This smug git has his face up all around the Ark's levels. Reminding all those creatures just who is the boss down here!
The other one is a bonus life, not that you should need it.

Aside from the nostalgia and history behind the title, there's really not a lot to do here. The game's challenges are easily overcome, but the boring level layouts and bland brown colour scheme do nothing to keep the player that interested.

Game Acquisition: Purchased on Sale (Bundle Stars)
Platform Used: Steam
Tweet Thread: 1 - 15 February 2016
PC Used: Scorptec Venom 2009

OS: Windows XP or later
Processor: Pentium 4, Athlon 64 or later
Memory: 256 MB RAM
Storage: 20 MB available space
Additional Notes: Game is software rendered. High single core performance needed for higher resolutions.